6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
