trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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