sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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