Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize