it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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