its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
