ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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