so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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