Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
