If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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