I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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