Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
