wake up i wanna do it froggy style
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
