Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
