and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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