Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
