I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
