good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just tell him i said nine months
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
