before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
