Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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