i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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