Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
