anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
