If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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