So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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