Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
