I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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