My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I cut my penus on the lid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
