Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
