yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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