if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize