My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish i was in the wii world.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
