Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Couch. On fire.
Congratulations! We have a period
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