and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
