Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
