Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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