i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
