i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
