So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
