White coat. Heels.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
