My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
