I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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