Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's blow job season.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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