Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
