We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We got so high we made milksteak
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
