there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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