The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
