I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
