Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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