she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
