when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
