just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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