drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
3pm strippers are depressing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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