No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
