She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize