Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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