she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
