so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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