yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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