My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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