I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
