Screwed.edu
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
