My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
