Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
