if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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