I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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