look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
