remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
