are you still at the devil's house?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
