someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
