can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
