Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
