yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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