My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
