belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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