NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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