Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
