Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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