I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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