Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
