Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
