saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
