I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So here I am, sexting at work.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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