I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
