I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
