sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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