his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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