I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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