Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
