JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
