walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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