Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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