I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
