You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize