I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
